I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
