evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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