Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
