I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
