Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
