if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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