We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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