Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
