Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
