This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
