so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
my shit smells like andre
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
