i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
50% drunk capacity currently
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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