neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
