I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My ass is underappreciated
Is Oprah even human
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
