Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
