sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
