apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
