when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
