I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
