Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
