Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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