Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
