so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
