U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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