I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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