I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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