Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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