I CAN MOONWALK!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
