Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
