tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just invented taco cereal.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
