she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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