My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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