I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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