Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
