I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
