I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
