Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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