Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
