Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
