morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
