But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She bit a glass in half.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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