I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
