Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
