Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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