Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
