In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
