You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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