He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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