I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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