Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
