I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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