worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
