im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
