Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
