Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My vagina is very pro this idea
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
