We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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