wrigley field is MILF paradise
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
