I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
