I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
