I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
