Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
