Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
