My balls are so social today.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
