Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
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