hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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