I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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