at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this just has baby written all over it
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
