"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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