Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What a dumb baby whore.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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