No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
