OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
As shirtless as possible
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
