by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
