He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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