why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
