i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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