Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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