I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
