I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
